Friday 6th May 2011
What did I eat today?
Breakfast - Strawberry Slim Fast Shake 250ml
Lunch - ½ tin Heinz Lentil Soup
Dinner - ½ packet of Minestrone soup and ½ slice of bread & butter
- Mini magnum ice cream
Yet again, I had another crap night’s sleep. I was up at stupid o’clock having my old woman’s pee and some pain relief. When Daz woke me up at 7:45am I was in agony. I got up and got Bailey sorted for school. I then phoned Suzie and she agreed to take Bailey Bop to school for me. I gave him his breakfast and did his reading book with him. He wanted to walk to school on his own, but I had to explain to him that he was too young and that it wasn’t safe for him to go on his own. He’s a sweetie sometimes. He so wants to be just like his peers but doesn’t understand the dangers and potential of strangers. Even though his school is only 5 min walk from the house and there is a crossing for him. I would worry. He’s not mature enough to do that walk on his own. Also, he is too friendly with everyone so if a stranger was to come along he’d probably go off with them.
Suzie came for him at 8:45am and off he went to school. I went into the kitchen and made up some more pain relief. Next, Mike’s mum came and took Oscar out for his walk and she also went to the surgery and collected my other medication for me. When she got back I had some of the 600mg brufen granules. They did the job and I felt like I was on cloud 9. So I sat in my PJ’s and finished typing up my 10th Blog.
I decided to try and have some soup for my lunch and we had some lentil in the cupboard. I should only have heated up half of the tin as I couldn’t eat anymore than that. It was too thick and it was really filling. After that I sat and watched Loose Women on TV. I don’t usually watch too much daytime TV but Loose Women is really quite funny. All of a sudden I got some really bad cramps in my stomach. I went to the toilet and I was there for about 10mins. I had a dose of the runs and it wasn’t very pleasant at all.
The rest of the afternoon I was up and down to the toilet. I think my stomach is taking a bit to get used to my liquid diet and food stuffs. I’m still not feeling fantastic and by 9pm I went to bed. Another day feeling shitty and I can’t do anything about it. I wish I could just wave a magic wand and it would all be over and I’d be that lovely slim size 12 and not have to go through feeling like I’ve been hit by a double decked bus. But if only life was really that easy! If it was then I wouldn’t have had to have this operation and I wouldn’t have been through what I have over the years. But looking on the bright side, I’m out of that big black tunnel which I was once in. I don’t have to worry anymore. I have a loving family and a partner who is my equal. Life couldn’t be any better at this moment in time. I am struggling with asking people to do stuff for me as I’m normally so independent and normally if I want something done then I just get on and do it myself. It’s weird having to ask for help to do the easiest of tasks. Life will get easier but it’s just going to take time. As they say, “Rome wasn’t built in a day”.
Saturday 7th May 2011
What did I eat today?
Breakfast - Banana Slim Fast Shake 150ml
Lunch - Chicken & Asparagus Soup 250ml & ½ slice bread soaked in the soup
Dinner - Gravy, potato, carrot, onion, peppers & sausage, blitzed in the blender like soup.
- 1/6 of chocolate cheesecake
I should have woken up in the Twickenham Guest House this morning. But due to feeling like crap, I had to forego my weekend away to the Army v Navy Rugby. I’m gutted and have been looking forward to gong since last year. But it wasn’t meant to be. So instead I woke up in my own bed in sunny Shap!
I had my breakfast; I’m getting sick of slim fast. I’m not a great lover of milk at the best of times and slim fast for nearly 5 ½ weeks on and off is getting pretty boring. I’d love to just have, bacon butty with brown sauce. But hey ho, it’s not meant to be. I’ve just caught the washing machine in time, as Mike had put it on a whites load but when I looked in there was a pair of black socks and maroon school shorts in the load as well. Luckily the machine hadn’t been on long and I was able to save the washing from ending up a total disaster. Mike was only trying to help, and I’m very grateful but think that I’d rather he left sorting out the clothes for washing to me.
After that Mike came back from walking Oscar, and we really needed to get some shopping for the house. We needed fridge and cupboard stuff. So mike took my car and we went to Aldi to get what we needed. By the end of the shop it was a couple quid off £100, but saying that, the trolley was overflowing and Mike and Bailey Bop had put compost under to trolley as well, for our potato tubs which they’d planted a few weeks ago in the garden. Next we went to WCF to try and get some dog food for Oscar, but they didn’t stock the Hills Science Plan which he eats. So we just drove back home. Back at home I couldn’t lift any of the bags, so Mike and Bailey brought them in. Once they were in the kitchen I still couldn’t lift them from the floor to the worktop, I feel like I’m a waste of space at the moment. The simplest of tasks and I’m struggling. Hopefully this won’t last too long. After I’d put away what I could, Mike put the rest away. Any heavy lifting and I’ve turned into a weakling.
We sat down and chilled watching TV for a bit and I looked on the Pets at Home website for dog food for Oscar, a new training lead and a cover which I can put in my boot to protect it from all his dog hairs. I don’t want my car smelling of dog.
Mike made dinner for himself and the boys, they had stewed sausages with potato, carrots, celery, courgette and onion through it. It smelled lovely and he blitzed down one sausage, some vegetables and gravy for me to have for my dinner. After a couple of spoonfuls I was full. It was lovely but too spicy for me. Maybe it was too soon. Within ½ an hour of eating it was up stairs on the toilet for what seemed like forever and a day. My stomach was killing me and I felt like I wanted to be sick but nothing was happening. I had the runs like nothing I’ve ever had before in my life. I think that everything which I’d eaten that day was coming out of me.
After that I went to bed and lay on my bed watching TV. I needed to be comfortable and sitting up in the living room wasn’t working for me. Maybe, lying down on my bed with my legs crunched up would also help with the cramps. I shouldn’t have had that sausage and food. It was too rich and too heavy for me just yet. I should have known better. There’s a reason why they say, fluids only for the first 2 -3 weeks, and this is precisely why. I’ll definitely not be doing that again in a hurry.
Sunday 8th May 2011
What did I eat today?
Breakfast - Banana Slim Fast Shake 200ml
Lunch - Vegetable Soup 200ml, slice of oatmeal bread & butter no crusts
Dinner - Gravy, carrots, potatoes, onions and courgette
- Mini magnum ice cream
I had a lay in until about 9:30am and then felt that I couldn’t lay there any longer, so I got up and went down stairs. Bailey was up to his usual on the Wii and Mike was reading the morning papers. I got my slim fast and a cup of tea and sat down to read the papers. Next Mike went into the kitchen and ironed all the school uniform and his shirts and trousers for work. He’s been so much help since I’ve had this operation I can’t thank him enough. But on the other side of the coin, why do I have to have an operation, for him to help me? The mind boggles!
I’m in a little pain today, I’ve been visiting the toilet all too regularly and it is very draining. My get up and go, has got up and gone! I hate feeling like this. Wish my body would hurry up and get its arse into gear and get better. My mum says that I shouldn’t rush things and just enjoy the rest. She’s probably right, she normally is.
I sorted through Daryl’s wardrobe and took out all his trousers that are too big for him. He’s now a 32” waist and has this last week persisted on wearing trousers that are 36” waist to school and the horrible old blue polo shirts to school. Rather than his black pants, white shirt, clip on tie, black jumper and blazer. The shirt and tie are far tidier and smarter than the polo shirt and black trousers which are too big for him. Also, I needed to know if he needed anymore school uniform.
After that, I sat in my chair and watched the TV. Mike was going out to watch the football and then go to the Sands centre in Carlisle to watch a comedian. Daz was working at the Greyhound so it was only going to be Bailey Bop and me for the night. I asked Bop what he wanted for his dinner, I got the answer, “Hot dog sausages” his favourite. He’d already had them for his lunch on Saturday so I suggested baked beans and sausages with toast, juice and an ice lolly for dessert. He was happy with that so I made it and he ate the lot. I then did the dishes and got him into the bath. What a palaver, I was struggling to bend over the bath to wash his hair and he kept putting his head down and it was difficult so in the end I got the shower head and rinsed his hair off with that.
We then went down the stairs and got him dried off and into his PJ’s and watched Country File together. Why is it when it is just Bailey and me on our own he is so well behaved and so loving? He isn’t cheeky and does as he is told. He’s like a different child.
Monday 9th May 2011
What did I eat today?
Breakfast - Strawberry Slim Fast Shake 200ml
Lunch - Vegetable Soup 200ml
Dinner - Carrot & Tomato Soup
- 1 scoop mango sorbet & 1 scoop fudge ice cream
I was up at my usual time. Got Bailey Bop dressed and ready to go to school and then walked him and the dog to school. I struggled with Oscar again, so at the co-op mum and dad took Oscar and walked him for me. I went back home and got on with cleaning up and sorting things out. I phoned the doctors as I was really itchy around my wounds from the operation. So I got my appointment for 11:30am and I went. Dr Mathers was lovely, she said that I was allergic to the dressings which the hospital had used and I needed some steroid cream to help clear up the rash. She was very nice and I was able to get rid of this terrible, annoying itch.
Back at home I made some lunch and then settled down to watch a movie on the TV, next minute, or so I thought, I was being woken up by Daz when he came in from school. I had been asleep for over 2 hours. I never sleep in the afternoon, so why start now. I wasn’t in any pain, and I hadn’t done anything to make me tired but I’d still fallen asleep. Why? Did my body just need to heal, and that was why I had? I got up and made dinner for Mike and the boys, homemade potato wedges, burgers and garden peas. Me, my usual soup, I’m getting sick of soup. I can’t wait to have something with a little more substance. I know that I’m full quickly with soup but I’m getting bored and tired with just fluids.
I had my boring soup and then had some lovely ice cream from the Abbots Lodge Ice cream farm. It was lovely and I enjoyed every mouthful. Then it was off to bed for an early night. I am still tired, even though I’ve had that nap this afternoon. I still can’t understand it.
Tuesday 10th May 2011
What did I eat today?
Breakfast - Strawberry Slim Fast Shake 250ml
Lunch - Leek & Potato Soup 250ml
Dinner - Carrot & Tomato Soup
- 1 scoop mango sorbet & 1 scoop fudge ice cream
Today I haven’t really done anything which I can say is of any major interest. I’ve still not had any pain relief and I’m feeling good. So I’m not going to say anything else as it’s just the usual boring daily routine with me not doing very much. I sat and watched tv for most of the day and played around on the pc. Answering, all of my e-mails and messages. It’s like I’ve not been online for ages, 4 e-mails waiting to be read and replied too.
Wednesday 11th May 2011
What did I eat today?
Breakfast - Banana Slim Fast Shake 250ml
Lunch - Minestrone Soup 250ml
Dinner - Ice cream scoop of Mashed Potato & ½ ladel of Savoury Mince
- Toffee Mullerlight yoghurt- 3 ginger nut biscuits & banana, mango & pineapple smoothie
I got up feeling a little uncomfortable. I was in a lot of pain, and needed to take some pain relief. Maybe it’s just an off day, we’ll just have to wait and see. I took Bailey to school and went back home. There was a sink full of dishes and I needed to have my breakfast. Just as I was about to start the dishes the telephone rang, and it was Colleen from WLS Group. She was checking in on me as I was 2 weeks post op today, and she hadn’t spoken with me since last week. I told her about my episode with the stewed sausages and how I was poorly towards the end of last week. She gave a right telling off. I should have telephoned the 24 hour emergency line and spoken with Wendy. I shouldn’t have even have tried the stewed sausages even if it was blitzed down as it was far too soon after my surgery. She said that I could start having soft food. I could have mashed vegetables, potato and really soft vegetables. I could also have weetabix and porridge for breakfast if I wanted. Yippeee, something different from slim fast, breakfast just came all more appetising.
I hung out the washing and decided I’d do the ironing, there wasn’t too much but I thought that I could manage it. I did a few bits then sat down and had a drink. I continued this way until it was all done. It seemed to take forever. But I got it finished. I then took it upstairs and put it all away. While putting Bailey Bops away I decided to sort out all the clothes which were too small for him. There were 2 large bags full. How does one little boy end up with so many clothes? He needs a whole new wardrobe of clothes for the summer. Oh just what I love a shopping spree. But, not with kids, I’d rather be on my own.
I then went to the Co-op and bought some fresh mince and made mince and tatties for dinner. I couldn’t wait to try some proper food and not just slim fast or soup. I also, made a big jug of pineapple, mango and banana smoothie for me to drink throughout the next couple of days. Get some more of my 4 a day into my system.
I had my dinner and it was bloody lovely. It was just so nice to put some real food into my mouth and not sludge. I know it’s not that bad but that’s how I’ve been feeling of lately. I do love my food, probably because it’s always been a huge part of my life. Well actually it’s taken over my life at many stages and made me what I am today. I don’t want to ever go back to what I did before, I love being able to eat small portions and be full. I never want to ever go back to never being full again; just eating a normal meal would be nice. I’m craving a slice of uncut tiger bread with butter and a bag of cheddar cheese kettle chips. MMMM sounds just lovely to me. I must say that I’m not hungry one little bit just my brain is saying that’s what it wants, not what I need.
I went over to Sue’s to have my monthly manicure and pedicure. My feet really needed it, as they were covered in loads of hard skin. My hands were a little dry, I suppose from the operation and the effects of it. It was nice to have a pamper session and worth every penny. I really could do with a massage but don’t feel that would be able to lie down on the couch at the moment. Give it a couple of weeks and I should be fine. I was finished there at about 8pm ish and then I went home. I watched some TV. I was really tired so it was off to bed for 10pm. I feel like I’ve walked up and down Mount Everest today and to be honest I’ve not done very much at all. The sooner that I feel more with it, the better I will be.
Thursday 12th May 2011
What did I eat today?
Breakfast - Apple & Raspberry porridge oats
Lunch - Tomato Soup 250ml, skinny de-caf latte
Dinner - 2 Potato Croquettes Scoop of mixed vegetables in a tomato sauce
- 3 ginger nut biscuits & a banana, mango & pineapple smoothieI did my usual this morning and then at 11am I went to pick up little Marie, to take her into Penrith. She needed to sort out things at the bank, since her husband passed away a couple of weeks ago. Then we went on a trek around all the charity shops in Penrith for a navy cardigan/jacket for her. In the end she bought a lovely blue cardigan/jacket from the ladies shop in the indoor market. As there wasn’t anything which she really wanted in the charity shops, well apart from a small navy and green tartan checked jacket for only £1.75, a bargain.
We then went to The Lounge for lunch and had some soup and a drink. After that I took her home and I came back to a lovely warm welcome from Oscar. I sat and had a drink with Mike’s sister Kate and then got sorted for dinner. It was lovely to catch up with her. We don’t normally have the time due to the fact that she worked in the pub and has the farm to run and I’m out doing my things. We need to catch up more often, not leave it so long next time.
I made dinner and then everyone came in. After dinner I took a load of food out of the freezer and went visiting Marie and gave her the food. I’m worried that she’s not eating as well as she could be so I at least know she’ll have to make anything for a few days and there is plenty for her.
I’ve done my good deed for today. I hate to see people struggle and in distress. Hopefully she will be okay. I’m now starting 15 days into my post op. I am feeling okay, getting to the food stage is a milestone in itself. I still have a long way to go but this blog is helping me to deal with this journey and the demons of the past. No amount of counselling could help as this has helped me. It will make me a stronger and more determined person in the end. Lots of people keep e-mailing me and asking for the link. I still only have 12 people registered which |I can see on my blog. But up to now I have had 1400 hits on my site. I don’t know if that is single hits or multiple hits by the same people reading my blog. But it is warming to know with the messages which I receive that my journey is helping some people to address and deal with demons and issues from their past. Why is there so many horrible, nasty people out there? Why is the world such a cruel and nasty place? I don’t think that I’ll ever know that answer but it would be a much nicer and safer world without them in it.
Friday 13th May 2011
What did I eat today?
Breakfast - Apple & Raspberry porridge oats, ½ a packet
Lunch - Minestrone Soup 250ml & ½ slice of bread cut into squares
Dinner - 2 Potato Croquettes & 200mls of Mince with gravy
- Banana, mango & pineapple smoothie, mango & passion fruit yoghurt
I was up at 7am, showered and dressed by 7:30am, why co teenagers take forever in the shower? They are not dirty; they’ve only been to school and in there own rooms so why do they feel that they have to take over 30mins in the shower every morning? When I can have a shower, get dried and dressed, hair done and make-up on in 30mins? It’s beyond me. I just can’t understand it. Maybe you can shed some light on this subject. Anyway, because he was late coming out of the shower I now had to drive him to school before taking Bailey Bop to the Hospital in Carlisle for his Lycra Splint fitting. What a trail to go just for a short appointment, but I suppose if it is going to help encourage him to use his left side, then I will do whatever is necessary to make his life easier.
As, mums we don’t have a choice how our children evolve, all we can do is help, support and hopefully head them in the right direction. Whatever direction that might be. We’re never given a manual when we become a parent and we have to learn as we go. Some take advice and skills from their peers. Some take direction from their elders. Some even take advice and guidance from strangers and professionals. But really no one person really knows how difficult it is to be a parent and how diverse the skills, which are needed are. If we were to be given a llok into the future of what our lives would be like with children, do you think that we’d still go ahead with it? I for one know that no matter how difficult life becomes with a child I would never be without mine. They tear me apart at times; they drive me to distraction with their constant cheek and naughty ways. But I love them unconditionally. My boys are unique and I wouldn’t have them any other way.
After about 45mins at the Cumberland Infirmary we were finished in disablement services. I then took Bop to Tesco’s to change his DS game. We had bought this during the Easter holidays, but when we’d got it home it didn’t fit into his DSi XL. It was the wrong game. It was for the 3DS, we’d picked up the wrong one by accident. He had been hassling me for weeks to take it back but due to the fact that our nearest Tesco was Carlisle I wasn’t about to rush there to change it at a 70 mile round trip. At the customer service desk the woman said that she couldn’t change it, as they were only allowed to change such produce if it was faulty. I explained that I didn’t even know if it worked as it didn’t even fit into the games console, just that it was the wrong cartridge. At first she wasn’t going to change it, until I pointed out that all the games in the security casings didn’t show the full front of the game box so it was difficult to determine which were DS and 3DS games. Also, that they were all mixed in together making it rather confusing to a child who at the end of the day just wanted a game. Eventually she spoke with the store manager and they changed the game for us, but it was such a palaver just to do that. I then went around and bought a few bits and bobs. Expensive bits and bobs, £115.00 later and I nearly had a heart attack and there was practically nothing in the trolley, it was only a small trolley at that!
I took Bailey Bop back to school and then went home. The place looked a state. I can’t handle all the dog hairs. I more often than not, hoover and polish every day and over the past few weeks though we’re lucky if it’s been getting done every other day. I’m not complaining as it’s been lovely to have the help and support but I so need to clean up. I washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen, I then goovered the kitchen, hall, stairs and living room. I struggled with the rug in the living room. But, I got there in the end. I was totally knackered; I can tell that I’ve not used a hoover in nearly 3 weeks. At that moment I noticed that Bailey had forgotten his film club pass so I jumped into the car and took it to him. I then popped to Mike’s mum and dad’s to collect the dog and have a cup of tea.
When I got back home I remembered that I hadn’t had anything to eat. So I put some soup in the microwave and had my lunch. I then got the dog ready and took him to the vet for his booster injections.
Back home I made burgers and French fries for dinner for the boys and I had my soft food which was lovely. I then sat and watched Fringe, CSI Crime scene Investigation and NCIS before heading off to bed.
So following on from blog 10;
My trip to Germany was filled with, dread, worry, caution, fear and the wonder of the unknown. I wasn’t looking forward to joining this unit, all those men and hardly any women, was just totally frightening. When I got there I was taken straight to the Sergeant Majors office, it was very frightening. He seemed such a hard man and I could tell that he didn’t like women. We were a nuisance and there wasn’t any room in his Army for us. I was also, informed that they knew what had happened in Cyprus and that this was a clean start for me. But I knew that it wasn’t. This would impact on my career for the rest of my time in the Army. I was informed of my duties and that I was to be put down in the LAD carrying out the servicing on the 432 APC’s (Armoured Personnel Carriers).
Next, I was whipped in to see the OC of the squadron. He made me aware that he knew all about the circumstances surrounding my quick posting and that he would support me and if I needed anything I was to let him know. He wouldn’t see me on his own; I had to have a female officer present while we spoke. It made me feel uneasy but at least I knew I did have someone to go to. I was introduced to my troop and my accommodation.
My room was through two other rooms and I had a single room to myself at the back. Our block had one toilet, 2 showers and half a dozen sinks. Our accommodation used to be the old RAF male accommodation and it was the only place where we could be put that was able to have a secure lock on the door. When I got there, there were about 10 other girls so I was amongst an elite few. I was made to feel very welcome. After a couple of weeks I was informed that we would be moving from Celle to Osnabruck. So we had loads to do. I got stuck in and found that life was good. Even though I hadn’t heard what had happened to the Soldier who raped me, I was beginning to get on with my life. I didn’t eat much, there as I seemed to be really happy. The weight didn’t come off but it didn’t go on either. So I maintained my size 16 clothes size. I found working with the lads great and they became very protective. They were a great bunch of lads and we were always finding ways to try and catch me out or take the piss. But it was all in good faith. I worked hard to prove that I was capable of being one of the lads and treated the same and not any differently.
We moved the Regiment to Osnabruck, and we got settled in. At first it was a little difficult as we had to share a block with the women from the resident camp. At first I was put in a room with 1 other girl. Not long after we arrived there I got called into my OC’s office. The RMP’s had contacted them and they’d decided that there wasn’t enough evidence to charge the soldier, so the case was being closed. I was gutted. The RMP’s in my eyes’ didn’t believe me and now a rapist was getting off scot free. It wasn’t fair and I felt that it made me out to be a liar. From what I was told he said that is was consensual, that I’d agreed to it so it was my word against his. I didn’t have a leg to stand on. I was angry. The army was sweeping it under the carpet so to save their name. Not a mention on how I thought or felt. My name could end up like mud but there name was to be saved.
I felt sad, angry, let down and confused. Why had they not believed me? Why did they not charge him? They had the DNA evidence from the foetus to prove that it was his. I slipped into a form of depression. I didn’t want to go out. I didn’t want to see anyone. I got up went to work and then came back to my room and locked myself away. I bought food, junk food at that and did nothing but east crap for about a month. Then the OC said that there was an opportunity for me to go to work with the Americans for several weeks, then off to Gibraltar for 6-8 weeks to carry out a communications exercise. So, off I went.
Working with the Americans was an eye opener. The accommodation was mixed and so were the ablutions. I was very uneasy with this after what had happened to me in Cyprus, but I just had to get on with it. The American camp had everything you could possibly imagine on it. There was a Cinema, 5 different bars, a McDonalds, PX and other restaurants. It was like a mini America and you could only buy things with American dollars. There working day was vastly different to outs as well. If we had to do PE in the morning back on camp we’d still have to work until 5pm on an evening. Not the Americans, they could finish at 1:30pm in the afternoon. Also, the women who had children had a nursery where they could put their children into when they went to work. The American army knew how to treat their soldiers, not like the British Army. They were only just letting women to stay in the Army and they didn’t even have a maternity uniform for them to wear.
After my visit there I went with a crowd of lads and 2 other girls to Gibraltar. It was the beginning of May 1993 and the weather out there was totally lovely. I was put in the old officer’s accommodation on Lathbury barracks while the lads had to sleep in not very nice accommodation. The Camp was at the top of a huge hill and the view across the island was amazing. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday we had to run around the island. From the camp gate anti clockwise around the island, with the last leg the entire way up hill. It was some distance but I did it as I didn’t have any other choice.
While I was there I met a lovely young man called Jonathan. He was a Royal Engineer and we hit it off fantastically. In a local Irish Bar, a sailor was giving me grief so I punched him straight in the face and laid him out. Everybody laughed and the guy got up and apologised to me. I couldn’t believe that I’d done such a thing. But I had to stick up for myself. Jonathan must have liked what he saw as he asked to walk me back to the camp. How did he know that I was in the camp? I found out that he was posted there and that he’d been watching me since I’d arrived. So the rest of the holiday, we hung out together and I had the most amazing time. Before I left the island we agreed to meet up and continue to see one another. It would be hard but I was looking forward to it. When we next met he asked me to get engaged to him and I was totally head over heels. I was all excited and when I went home to Edinburgh we went together for him to meet my family. We set up a bank account and we would save up for the next year to pay for everything. I was going to the Falklands in the August and would put away £750 per month and he would do the same. His mum and dad would put in £5000 towards the wedding. I went to meet his parents, but it wasn’t easy. Jonathan was adopted and his mother was very protective, as you would expect a mother to be. But she made it very clear that I wasn’t what she wanted for her son. I wasn’t prepared to give up my career and stay at home like a good little wife should and have babies.
Over the next month Jonathan didn’t call much and his letters were very vague. The time came for me to fly to the Falkland Islands and I headed to RAF Brize Norton. That afternoon I telephoned Jonathan and he told me that the wedding was off. That we were finished and that was it. I was totally gutted. Why had he done this 2 days before my flight? Why did he feel that he couldn’t marry me? What had gone wrong? Had I done anything which had changed his mind? I wouldn’t find this out until I actually landed in the Falklands and had been there a couple of weeks. What I will say, is that it definitely wasn’t anything which I did or said.
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