Friday 28th April 2011
What did I eat today?
Breakfast - ½ Strawberry Yoghurt, Cup of Tea
Lunch - Apple & Mango Smoothie, Minestrone Soup
Dinner - Chicken Noodle Soup
- ½ Yoghurt
I woke up at 3am this morning, in a lot of pain. I got up and had a walk around, to try and release off the stiffness and some of the wind. Then I went to the toilet and tried to get back to sleep. The next thing I knew it was 8am and they were coming in to take my obs.
The chef came in and gave me my breakfast, yoghurt and a cup of tea. I couldn’t manage to eat it all so I ate what I could and drank my cuppa. I had a shower and got myself ready. All I wanted to do now was go home. So I asked for my medication and for someone to help me down to the reception to get my taxi. I made my way down the corridor and lift. I didn’t feel fantastic but all I wanted to do was be at home and be in my own bed.
At the Premier Inn we watched a little of the Royal Wedding and then got the car packed up and ready to go. In we got and I started to drive. I was okay just a little unsure of the way back to the motorway. I had 3 cars beep at me as I was in the wrong lane. But hey ho, who cares. I continued to drive until we got to Lancaster services, then pulled over and had a little break. I had some pain relief and a drink. I was a little concerned about the way in which the car was handling; it seemed really unresponsive and sluggish. I knew it wasn’t how I was feeling and took the car over to the garage to check the air pressure in the tyres. The tyres were very flat. The fronts should have been 36 and they were only 30, and the back should have been 41 and they were only 30. So I pumped them up and on we went on our journey back to Sunny Shap.
Back at home I got a big hug and kiss from Mike and also, from Bailey. My most favourite welcome was from Oscar, to dog. You’d think that I’d abandoned him for months and not just a couple of days. I know if ever I’m lonely I’ll at least get a fantastic welcome from the dog! I got into my PJ’s and sat on the chair and chilled the rest of the day and evening. It’s really weird, having everyone telling me to take it easy and doing everything for me. I feel a bit like a duck out of water. I’m not used to being the one cared for and looked after.
Come 10pm I was totally knackered. I had my last lot of pain relief and also my injections. I’ve never had to inject myself before and it’s a little weird to say the least. It’s heparin type medication which I have to take for 7 days after my surgery. But to be honest I couldn’t do it on a permanent basis. It’s definitely not my cuppa tea, sticking needles into myself. Thankfully it’s only for a few days. One thing I do need to do though is see my GP to get some Ibuprofen liquid. I’ll need to make an appointment to see her on Tuesday. After that, I went to bed and practically as soon as I hit the pillow I was fast asleep.
Saturday 29th April 2011
What did I eat today?
Breakfast - Banana Slim Fast, Cup of Tea
Lunch - Chicken Noodle Soup
Dinner - Tomato & Basil Soup
- Cinder Toffee Ice cream
-
I was up and awake at about 5am. I needed to stretch off again and go for what Mike calls my “old woman’s pee”. I went back to bed and fell back asleep until about 7:30am. Mike then got up and got me some pain relief. I was in a lot of pain and was struggling to get up out of the bed. I eventually got myself up out of bed and went down the stairs. It was a lovely day outside with the sun shining. Yet again another sunny day in Shap, and not a drop of rain in sight. I can’t remember having weather like this, in the last 6 years. So long may it continue.I helped do a little tidying up and then got myself into the shower. I had to wait for ages, as when you’ve got 2 teenagers and visitors it’s only courteous to let them go first. I can’t wait until the extension is built and we will have another bathroom. Life will be so much easier and tramping up the stairs every time we need to go to the bathroom will be a thing of the past. After my shower I need to change my dressings. The two cuts under my left breast are quite swollen and bruised. These are the two ports which really do hurt the most out of the five. My mum helped me and she was very gentle. Even though she was taking the piss out of me and trying to make me laugh to take my mind off the pain.
We need some little bits and bobs from co-op so B and I went down and got what we needed. The walk out was lovely and when we came back we sat out in the back garden in the lovely warm sunshine. After a couple of hours we decided to walk down to the newsagents to put on the lottery. Then on the way back we popped into the Crown Pub and all had a drink. Daz and Loz had a couple of Smirnoff Ices, mum had a couple of J2O’S and B had a couple of double Bacardi and cokes. I had a bottle of J2O and that was all. I couldn’t drink too much as I was full. After an hour or so there, we headed back to the house. When I got in I felt really tired. So I went up stairs to lay on my bed. The next thing I knew it was 7pm and I’d slept for about 2-3hours.
While I was asleep Bridie served up the Chicken Curry which she’d prepared earlier. Served with Basmati rice and Garlic tear and share bread. It went down a storm. Everyone loved it. I had a tomato and basil cup a soup and some ice-cream. And then we sat and watched TV and chilled for the evening. I’m finding it really hard just sitting around and chilling. I’m so used to being busy and having plenty to do. But B and mum have been busy doing everything. I’ve been very lucky to have such a wonderful mum and an amazing friend. Who, are here to support me until Tuesday.
Sunday 30th April 2011
What did I eat today?
Breakfast - Strawberry Slim Fast
Lunch - Leek & Potato Soup
- Strawberry Ice-cream
Dinner - Tomato and Carrot Homemade soup
- ½ Toffee Mullerlight yoghurt
I was up at 8am again this morning. I didn’t sleep too well again and the pain is really uncomfortable. As soon as I woke I had my pain relief and then went downstairs. After chilling for a bit I got dressed and sat in the living room, typing up this blog. My mum and B have been really busy, washing the clothes and preparing soup for me to freeze for later.
For Sunday lunch I took mum, B, Mike and the kids to the Greyhound Pub for lunch. They all had a lovely roast beef dinner and I had homemade soup. Afterwards we had ice cream and desserts. The trip out was lovely and it was nice to be able to thank mum and B for all that they have done for me over the past week.
Back at home we all sat and chilled and watched tv. The pain seems okay at the moment, but I do know when it’s beginning to get worse. Today hasn’t been anything special to talk about. So I am now going to carry on from my previous blog.
So following on from blog 6;
Templar Barracks, Ashford was the beginning of my trade training and the true start of my army career. I was in squad 129 and joined the lads which when we got to Ashford, were only in week one of basic training. They still had another 9 weeks to go before they would be ready to join us girls to start their trade training. So we were made to complete another 9 weeks basic training alongside the lads. It was hard but so much fun. I spent my 18th Birthday on exercise with the lads and having to do river crossings and getting totally soaking wet through.
Within, a week of turning up at Ashford, I met Mac. He was a PTI (Physical Training Instructor), 5 foot nothing with blonde hair and striking blue eyes. He was a lance corporal with 2 Queens in Canterbury, but was on attachment to Templar Barracks for some time. We hit it off straight away. He was a sweetie and he was really motivated and that rubbed off on me. He encouraged me to see fitness as a means of change and not hate. We would go away at weekends, but would always come back early on a Sunday to have a good long run. He even got my fitness levels up and ready for the gruelling few months ahead. By the time we’d been together for 2 months I was able to run a BFT (Basic Fitness Test) in only 9mins 15secs. It was the best time ever, in my whole army career. Time in training at Ashford was carefree and fun. I made some really lovely friends and I met a lovely man.
Once my first half of training was over I had to move to Loughborough to complete my second half of training. This was the Op SI (Operator Special Intelligence) section of my trade training. I met a whole new bunch of friends and had a ball. Training was hard but fun and we were pushed to our limits all the time. While I was at Loughborough I tried very hard not to go home. I used excuses to my mum that I was going back to Canterbury to see Mac and my friend Sharon, or I was on guard duty. Although I missed my mum I dreaded having to go home to Edinburgh, because I would have to be in the same house as “That Man”.
In the November of 1991 I became very ill and ended up in hospital with appendicitis and pneumonia. I wasn’t allowed to stay at the camp and had to go back to Edinburgh to recuperate. I wasn’t allowed to go by train as I was unable to carry any bags so the only thing which could be done was for “That Man” to come and collect me. As usual, he didn’t do it for nothing. I had to fill his car up with fuel and as soon as I got into the car I had to give him money for food for travelling back up the road. I had to sit in the front seat of the car, have conversation with him. All he went on about was how he wasn’t working, how times were hard, how he and mum had loads of bills to pay and how I would have to pay my way. Now, I’ve never shirked my responsibilities and I have always paid my way. But, with him it was like nothing ever went right. That everyone else was in the wrong and he was the only one who was in the right. The journey seemed to take forever, but eventually we got back to Edinburgh.
My mum was waiting for me and I was so pleased to see her. I had 4 weeks at home, I was dreading it. I was ill so wasn’t able to escape out of the house and to make matters worse; he was out of work again so in the house 24/7. He was grumpier than usual and life back at home was strained. He took all the money which I had and told me that I was under his roof and I had to obey his rules. I had a packet of crisps one night while watching television and he started raging at me, to shut the fuck up and get out of his house. At that time my mum was down the stairs talking to a friend of hers. He chased me down the corridor and out into the stair. I went down and told my mum and she was very cross. She stormed up the stairs and told him if anyone was to get out of her house it was him. Her children had more right to live and be there than he did. It was the first time that my mum had stood up to “That Man”. I was so scared that he was going to hit me but my mum gave him what for.
After that occasion it was even more strained in the house. Every time I went home I was told by “him” to take more and more of my belongings away with me. It was like I wasn’t welcome there anymore. When I did go back it was like living in a hotel. I wasn’t allowed to eat, I could only use the telephone if I paid for it and if I wanted anything different from what was being made for dinner then I’d have to pay for it myself.
At the end of my Intelligence Corp training, we had a pass off parade. Yet again I had to fork out the money for “That Man” to bring my mum and sisters down. This time he came but for some strange reason I felt as though it was a chore for him. I had a few weeks leave and then I got my posting. My first tour was to 9 Signal Regiment (R) in Cyprus. I was chuffed to bits. I was so proud to be going to such a fantastic posting, in such a hot country for my first tour.
In Cyprus the girls lived in two blocks, an old block and the newer block. I was put into the old block on the top floor in a little section where there was 2 rooms next to one another. It was small but compact. I had a sink with a built in under unit and mirror above the sink. Next to it were a built in wardrobe with lots of storage and 2 little windows with shutters on them. The room was as long as 2 single beds and as wide as one single bed, well army single beds. I hired a fridge from a little electrical shop in Larnaca and made my room as homely as possible as it was only May and I wouldn’t be able to get home until Christmas.
The first month I went on a bender. I think all soldiers posted to Cyprus did the same thing. We would get up and go to work for 7am in the morning, finish work at 1:30pm then head down to the beach in Ayia Napa, to sunbathe and drink. We’d then come back, have some dinner at the little cafe on camp, get showered, changed and head to the Naafi for more drinks. After this, we’d get a taxi and head back down to Ayia Napa and drink and party more. It was fun and we all really enjoyed our time there.
There were some guys whom I didn’t get on with and we had a book which people put comments or made cartoons about other people in the troop. The ones about me were not very nice and they upset me. This made me want to turn to food more. The cartoon would have the drawings of a pig in a piece of clothing which I’d maybe worn the previous night and the title, Cpl Kerryanne Grunter (Hunter). It really upset me and I struggled to settle in the unit.
Then after about a month, a soldier from the security platoon started following me around, everywhere I went. He was from the resident infantry battalion, which took care of the security of the camp. He was married and would not accept that I didn’t want anything to do with him. When I went to the Naafi he was there. When I went to the Cafe he was there. When I went to the cookhouse he was there. I couldn’t turn around and he was there. Then he started jumping out from bushes when I was walking back to my block. I began to get very frightened. I was scared to go out of the block on an evening on my own. It got to the stage that I was so frightened that I reported him to the block senior.
Unfortunately, she did nothing about it. One evening when I needed the toilet I got up to go and on my way back I found him walking around our block on his own. All I had on was shorts and a small top and I was in my bare feet, I stopped on the stairs and he tried to kiss me. He wouldn’t go away. I was frightened. He was in uniform with his weapon and I didn’t know what to do, so I kept my cool and talked to him until his radio went and he had to go. I think it was a narrow escape, this time.
I reported him to my platoon commanding officer. I told him what had happened on the various occasions and that I was frightened of him. He took everything down and a couple of days later told me that he’d spoken to the soldiers Officer Commanding, and he had been told to stay away from me. He was only allowed on the camp when he was on duty and he was not allowed to go on patrol on his own. I thought that this would be the end of his annoying ways and that he would no longer give me any more hassle. How wrong was I!
It was the middle to the end of June and I had made plans to go shopping with one of my girlfriends. I was a deep sleeper so when I got up earlier that morning I didn’t lock my bedroom door when I came back from the toilet. I was fast asleep and the first that I knew someone was in my bedroom was when I had a hand over my mouth and I was struggling to breathe. I was disorientated and frightened. It was him; it was the soldier whom I’d reported for stalking me. He told me that I was to keep very quiet and nothing would happen to me. But as soon as he took his hand off my mouth I screamed as loud and hard as I could. He smacked me in the face and told me to shut up or he would kill me. He was in uniform and had his weapon with him. I was so frightened I shut up. I cried and the tears were rolling down my face, past my ears and onto my pillow. I tried to escape but he was much bigger than me and heavier than me. He held both my hands in one of his hands and used his other hand to undo his combat trousers.
Next he took off my shorts and pushed himself between my legs. No matter how hard I tried to escape he was too strong for me. I tried screaming again but he wasn’t having it. He hit me again and warned me what he would do, should I scream out again. Next he forced himself into me, I tried really hard to pull away from him but I couldn’t. I was pinned steadfast to the bed and he had full control. I wept for what seemed like forever, I closed my eyes and tried to think of happier times and of when this was all over. He continued to thrust his sweaty body into mine and he tried to kiss me on my face I kept moving my head so to avoid his touch and his smell. Then all of a sudden he got up and moved away. He pulled up his trousers, picked up his rifle and walked towards the door. Then he turned around. He warned me that I wasn’t to tell anyone and if I did that it would be very easy for him to shoot me and explain the incident very easily. I wasn’t about to argue with him, I didn’t say anything and he walked out of the door.
I got up ran to the bedroom door and locked it. I got my duvet, curled up in the corner of my room and cried. I sat sobbing for hours. I thought my friend was meant to be coming but she still didn’t turn up. Where was she? Why hadn’t she come for me? What had prevented her from coming to take me shopping with her? I didn’t know but I so wished that she’d come. It was 1pm now and no one had come. I took all my bedding and clothes down to the laundry and washed them. I next went to the showers and had what seemed to be the longest shower ever. I sat on the floor of the shower and just let the water run over my body. I scrubbed as hard as I could to remove every piece of sweat, tear and piece of skin which he’d touched was removed from my body.
I went back to my room and gutted my room from top to bottom. I need to clean him out of my life and being. I never said anything to anyone. He’d warned me what would happen to me. I wasn’t about to let him keep his word. Also, I knew what would happen to me. I knew what had happen before and what the solicitors from lynn’s uncle accused me of at the age of 5-6. What would his solicitors say and what would they accuse me of? I was 19 now and I knew it would be my own entire fault. I knew that it would be my word against his. Who was going to believe me? A young corporal just arrived in Cyprus on a bender or a married soldier with a pregnant wife? I knew it would be my word against his and that my name would be dragged through the mud, again!
From then on I didn’t want to stay in Cyprus. All, I wanted to do was go back to Edinburgh. I didn’t want to be in this camp, on this island any more. I went more and more withdrawn. I wouldn’t go out and the only time I did go out was when I was with a crowd of girls. I never went out on my own again.
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