I said before, in my last blog that I would be back to normal, but what is normal? I have not stopped with one thing or another since I posted my last blog. So again I’m chasing my tail to try and catch up with everything.
So, what about my food? What have I eaten over the past 3 weeks? Well, I’ve tried most types of food except salads. I’m a little worried about getting the lettuce and drier foods stuck. I suppose everyone who has this type of surgery is worried about some type of foods at one time or another. I need to get over this but at the moment I’ll just stick with what I know.
On Tuesday of last week I went to Preston and visited my friends Ali B and Ali G. It was great to catch up with them and see them as it’s been over a year since we all last seen one another. I so enjoy catching up with them and it reminds me who my true friends really are. I then went to get my weight check. I was dreading it. I know that may sound bizarre, but I had been poorly for 10 days and also, I hadn’t had a period since the surgery and I felt bloated and my boobs were sore, heavy and solid.
I got to the clinic and was asked to go straight through to get weighed. I was then asked to wait in the waiting room and Wendy would be right with me. I waited for about 10mins and then I was called to go in and see Wendy. Wendy said that I had lost 9 lbs and that was all fat. So to date I have lost the following:
2 Weeks Pre Op – 7 lbs
Surgery – Week 4 – 20 lbs (11 lbs of fat)
Week 4 – Week 8 – 9 lbs (9 lbs of fat)
Total of 36 lbs in 10 weeks or 2 st 8 lbs
I’m so chuffed. I love the fact that I am now into a size 16 bottoms and 16/18 top. The last time I was this thin was before I had my elder son Daryl. I can still eat anything which I want but just in very moderate portions. Also I need to chew properly so it takes longer to eat meals but I really do still enjoy my food.
I’ve had a weekend away in Edinburgh with my mum and little sister Lisa. It was my niece’s birthday and I went up for the party with Bailey Bop. It was a lovely weekend but just not enough time. I also went to visit my Nana; she is so lonely and very vulnerable. I took her to my Granddad Bill’s grave and we cleaned the headstone and left roses for him. Nana had bought him yellow roses and so had I. I am aware, “That Man” has been to visit her and I can’t understand why. He hasn’t really bothered much in the past except when he’s wanted something, so why now? I hope that he doesn’t upset her or try and get money out of her. As that’s the only reason why he has bothered in the past, only out for what he can get!
Yet again I have another bout of the flu. I’m all full of green gunk and it’s beginning to piss me off. I’m having trouble with my breathing, and all I want to do is sleep. My body has been aching for over a week now and I’ve not been to the gym in nearly 2 weeks. I only just got back and then I have been off again and it’s really beginning to get me down. I hate feeling ill and it’s unlike me to be brought to a halt for such a long time and not feel any better. I’m going to try and get to the Gym next week and hopefully it will help in getting rid of this flu. I will have to have a Sauna and a Steam room, to help clear all my sinuses. I think I’ll order some sun bed time as well as I hate sitting in the sun but you always feel better when you have a little colour so maybe it will help.
Today I tried on my size 14 ¾ length jeans and I had a shock, they actually fitted me. I’m 10 weeks post op now and I have got into a size 14. I can’t believe it, it may only be a size 14 Bon Marche, which are usually a little more generous than other stores but they were a size 14 and I was jumping around the floor with joy.
I am going to do my measurements so that you can see how many inches/cms I have lost, since the surgery.
Measurements:-
Neck - 36cm
Left Arm Bicep - 32.5cm
Right Arm Bicep - 32.5cm
Under Bust - 98.5cm
Full Bust - 120cm
Waist - 104.5cm
Hips - 126cm
Left Thigh - 65cm
Right Thigh - 64cm
I’ve had an amazing week this past week. I’ve tried a few new sporting activities and started my fitness regime with a bang. This is what I’ve achieved this week:-
Sunday 10th July - 7 mile walk
Monday 11th July - 1 ½ hour gym workout & 40min Abs Class
Tuesday 12th July - 7 mile walk
Wednesday 13th July - 3 mile walk & 1 hr 20 min netball training
Thursday 14th July - 3 mile walk & 1500m swim
Friday 15th July - 30 min Spinning Class 14.9km & 1000m swim
I’ve found my mojo again and I love it. I feel great and I’ve tried activities which I haven’t done in years or I’ve never tried before. Netball was an eye opener. I’ve never played it in my life. I’m a basketball player and have been since I was a child. So playing netball for the first time was difficult but so much fun. The rules baffle me as you can’t run certain areas of the court unlike basketball where you can run all over the court.
I have had words with the CSA about Bailey and Daryl’s father, non payment of CSA. I’m sick and tired that they get away with none of the worry and none of the expense of bringing up their children. Why do they think that their lives are any more important than their children’s? It’s beyond me.
Daryl’s father thinks that he shouldn’t have to pay for his son. He thinks’ that if he doesn’t tell the CSA that he’s working then he can get away with it. Also, he’s informed me that he’s washing his hands of Daryl as he hasn’t received a father’s day card and Daryl doesn’t phone or text him all the time then why should he bother making an effort to spend any time with him or texting or phoning him. So I’m now beginning to wonder, who the adult in this equation is. Is it Pete or Daryl? He also told me that he didn’t want anything to do with him and why should he bother as far as he’s concerned that was it. I was gobsmacked! What could I say to that, nothing really? So all I did was put the telephone down on him. There wasn’t anything I could say in reply to him and that revelation. I’m also angry at his wife’s attitude. She has informed Daryl, a few months ago, that he wasn’t allowed to contact his dad with any worries or concerns he might have while he is working in Iraq. Who does she think she is? It doesn’t matter where you are in the world or what you are doing when you are a parent of a child you are still their parent there and then. You don’t stop being a parent just because you’re in a war zone! But then what would she know, she’s never had any children so couldn’t even begin to understand. She infuriates me no end.
As for Bailey’s father, Sean Motum, has gone and got married. I have sent him a message via facebook, but he’s not replied but has adjusted the access to information to his page. So that tells me he has received the message but can’t be bothered his backside to get in contact. He and his new wife are expecting a baby in August sometime. It grates me that he can be all happy go lucky about the fact she is expecting and hasn’t even seen Bailey since November 2005. The one saving grace I have there is that Mike has been more of a father than Sean. He’s seen him through his really though and rough times and supports him throughout his sporting events and everyday activities. Bailey wouldn’t know who he was if he passed him in the street. Too be honest I would very wary of leaving Bailey with him as he wouldn’t know him and I would be worried how he’d cope with him.
I’ve had my rant about absent fathers now it’s time for me to get on with my blog. I’ve gone and done it. I’ve tried salad. Lettuce, onion, peppers, cucumber and tomatoes, they went down just fine and it didn’t get stuck at all. So that’s it most foods tried and all gone down okay so far. I’m just choosing to stay away from pastry, bread, pasta, rice and noodles. I feel that foods like this tend to fill me up quickly and make me feel bloated. My surgery scars are healing fantastically and beginning to fade. I’ve been putting some coconut moisturiser on the scars as a couple of friends have suggested that it will help with the scarring.
Since being back at the gym I have started going on the sun beds. I used to go on them years ago before I moved over to Cumbria but since moving here I have not been able to find the time or a good enough offer. So I have booked a block session of 135mins for £50.00, which I think is an excellent offer. I have been doing 6min sessions 3 days last week just to build up my base colour. Then hopefully I’ll be a lovely base colour for my friend’s wedding at the end of August.
Coming up over the next couple of months is the school holidays and a busy time ahead. I will try and write a little something every day but I can’t promise that I will be able to. So please be patient with me. I am writing but want this to be about me and my life, also for it to be about me dealing with my past and demons and not rushing it. As the saying goes, “all good things come to those who wait”.
I’m due to go for my next weigh-in on Tuesday 19th July, so I will be able to let you all know how things have been going since my last weigh in. Here’s hoping I’ve lost nearly 10lbs. I can’t wait to find out. My shape is beginning to change. I was able to get into a size 16 Marks & Spencer black linen dress yesterday and I was so excited. My son Daryl couldn’t believe how much I’ve changed over the last few weeks. When he say’s to you, “mum, your belly isn’t sticking out like it used to when you sat down” you have just got to laugh. Kids see things differently to us adults. So I am going to leave you for now and let you read on from my previous blog about my past. This section is really quite long. I would maybe stop for a tea or coffee break before you continue to read on. I am on facebook if you want to friend request me if you are not already my friend then be my guest.
Here is what I looked like the morning of my surgery!
Here is a recent photo of me, taken last weekend during my 7 mile walk.
This is a photo of me when I was 21 stone 8 lbs in weight.
Follow on from Blog 13:-
After finding out about what had happened before our marriage and during our marriage so far, my doubts and trust about our marriage started to grow. The doubt, about our life together, wasn’t going to get any easier. I wouldn’t be able to trust Pete no matter how truthful that he was being. This impacted on my health and I ended up with IBS, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. It started affecting every minute of my everyday life and work. I couldn’t be any more than 10 metres away from a toilet, otherwise I would defecate myself. The stress of being a new mum, worrying about child care and the constant worrying about what more I was to learn about my Husband, which I didn’t already know.
In the end I couldn’t work in the section which I was post too at RAF Digby, so I was moved to be the CO’s PA as, his office was right next to a toilet which I could use. I was devastated, as now I was just a secretary and not able to do my job, which I had trained so hard to do over the past few years. I was also aware that if I didn’t work within my trade then my promotion would be non-existent.
My IBS got worse and the stress and fighting between Pete and I continued. He was out of the Army and money was very tight. He was struggling to find a job and the only income which we had was my Army salary. We still had all the bills to pay, rent and buy food. Then I got told that I had a posting to GCHQ (Government Communications Headquarters) in Cheltenham with a promotion to Corporal. I was elated. It meant that I could do my job, be near a toilet and work alongside civilians for the first time in my military career. We were also posted to the quarters at RAF Innsworth, where it would be easier and better for Pete to find and job and start contributing to the house finances.
My sister Tanya came to stay with me to help look after Daryl. He was fast growing up and I needed a live-in, nanny to look after him as I worked awkward shifts and I couldn’t rely on Pete as he didn’t know what he’d be doing from one day to the next. We eventually moved into our house and I started my job. It was great fun and very interesting. Pete got himself a job working for Cable & Wireless, knocking on people’s doors, selling cable TV, internet and telephone. He was out all hours that you could ever imagine. At first it was only, meant to be 12 noon – 8pm during the day on a rota of 5 days out of 7, but in time, a very short time, his days started earlier and finished increasingly later.
Pete’s job was meant to be the best paid job about. He was paid a minimum monthly wage then he would bolster this with his commission which he’d earned from his sales of the services which people’s had bought from him. That commission only ever happened over 3 months in the beginning then it slowly but surely faded away. His cost of living went up and up. He had to have the best of which we could afford, or not as the case was. He had Nickelby’s suits, Ben Sherman shirts and designer ties, and shoes, nothing but the best for him. Daryl had to put up with Adam’s clothes and whatever was bought for him at the time. I was bought my suits for work from Dorothy Perkins, but because of my weight gain I was struggling to fit into them. So I started going to slimming world. I tried and tried but it didn’t work.
Pete, was continually coming in late and going out with one of his work colleagues. Our fighting and arguing continued. He also, started having sex with me when I was asleep. He would come in late from where ever he’d been, not wake me up and I’d wake up with him lying on top of me in the midst of his stroke and I’d have to finish it off. If I didn’t he’d be abusive to me and become quite verbally and physically violent. Afterwards, I’d by very frightened and worried if I didn’t do what he wanted then I’d be in trouble.
So, because of the way our marriage was going I didn’t want to have any more children. I approached my GP and asked him to sterilise me. He said that I was too young and I may want children again in the future so he would not allow me to have such surgery. But, he would allow me to have a new contraceptive which was on the market called the Marina coil. Which I would have to have taken out in 3 years time but as it was still under study, but it would be the best option for me out there as there was too high a stroke and heart attack risk in our family for me to go on to the contraceptive pill. I agreed and had the coil fitted. At first I was okay but a few months into having the coil fitted I started gaining more weight. I don’t know if it was down to my relationship with Pete and the comfort eating. Or the coil being fitted, but something was causing my weight gain.
One of Pete’s work colleagues ended up coming to stay with us. Barry, I think his name was. He was polite, lovely and a pleasure to have staying. He paid weekly digs of £50 and for every shirt, trousers and clothing which I washed and ironed for him, he gave me £2.50 per item, as he said he’d never had clothes pressed so neatly and well in his life and at the end of his day, his shirts still had the creases in the sleeves. Unlike, when he had them washed at the dry cleaners. Also, if he put them into the dry cleaners then it would most definitely cost him a lot more and they wouldn’t smell as nice or clean. Barry was single and lived the high life. He had a good work ethic and always had money. He got the sales but also, kept them so when he got his wage packet at the end of the month he actually had money, unlike Pete. Pete was trying to be a Barry and he never ever was going to come close.
My IBS was worse than ever, all the stress didn’t help. Then I started blacking out and losing power down my right side. At first it was only a couple of times, then they started coming more and more frequent. I’d have a fit then blackout, when I came too I had no feeling in my right side. It was I think, like having a stroke. I’ve never had a stroke, but I assume it’s similar in feeling. Within a few months I was having about 10 a week and I wasn’t allowed back into work. I was a health and safety risk as well as a security risk, in case anyone was to steal my identification when I was having a fit/blackout and they would then in turn possibly be able to access one of the main military intelligence centres in the UK.
From here on life was increasingly difficult. I’d burn myself while cooking; I couldn’t go out on my own as I was frightened. I’d had a blackout when I was out shopping in Gloucester when I was on my own with Daryl, and everyone just walked past me. I think that they thought I was a druggie or something, but no one stopped to see what was wrong with me they all walked past me. It wasn’t until a police officer came over that an ambulance was called and we were both taken to the hospital A&E. They ran loads of tests and they said that what I was having was similar to Epilepsy and my seizures were like Grand Mal seizures. I didn’t know anything about epilepsy at the time and all I wanted was to be normal again. While having my seizures, I’d wet myself and when no one was in the house to help me get to the toilet I would again, defecate myself. I was a 24 year old young woman and I wasn’t able to get to the toilet. I couldn’t look after my son properly and he was sat in front of a tv & video player 24/7 as I was frightened to go out on my own and Pete was never home.
The doctor’s carried out numerous tests, I had lumber punctures, scans, bloods, allergy tests and CT scans and the military didn’t know what was wrong, and they disagreed with the initial diagnosis from the civilian hospital. So they sent me to RAF Brize Norton to see a military Psychologist, as they thought that what was wrong with me was psycho-somatic. After, a 4 hour assessment and then a further 4 hour consultation the Psychologist said that my symptoms were real. They weren’t psycho-somatic nor were they put on. That he would re-refer me back to the military doctors for them to continue investigating what was causing my illness. But, he did feel that I had issues which needed to be dealt with and he was referring me to a local military psychologist to start dealing with some of those issues. The issues which he was talking about were the things which happened to me as a child.
I went back to my GP and was given a cocktail of drugs to try and help with the blackouts and the power loss. They made me feel awful, I would have prolonged blackouts, I would be left feeling dizzy and nauseas, I would slur my words and my weight again would continue to rise. Along with this my sex drive plummeted and I had no inclination or want to have sex with Pete. He would lose his patience with me and become very abusive when I wouldn’t do anything. Then again when I was asleep, drugged up with my medication he would have sex with me without my consent and I’d wake up all sticky and messy. This was the only way I knew what he had done to me.
All this time, I was so unhappy. When Pete was home all we did was argue and when he was out at “work” all I did was wonder what he was up to. Was he really at work or was he meeting other women? Was he really working so late, or was he seeing someone else? Was he working at all, or was he just committing adultery with numerous other women? I would find out all these answers, in time. But it would take until my little sister Lisa came to visit for a holiday before this would come to light. Lisa came for a holiday and it was towards the end of the month. Pete wanted to go out but money was tight. I had £60 left in my purse until the end of the month and he took it and took Lisa out in Gloucester. While they were out he met up with some woman in a club, which Lisa said, he’d arranged earlier on in the evening to meet as they’d met in a bar. She said that they seemed to know one another and that it wasn’t just coincidence. At the end of that night he let the woman into our car and dropped Lisa at home then took the woman to her house. He was away for hours.
When Lisa got in she told me what had happened and that was all the proof which I needed. When he eventually got back I challenged him about everything and he said that I was paranoid, that nothing had happened and that he’d only just dropped the woman off at her house, but had a flat tyre and that was the reason why he was away so long. We argued and argued, and then he hit me across the face and told me that what he did in his own time was his business and none of it was mine. I put my slippers on and ran out of the house. I didn’t know what I was going to do, I had nowhere to run, I just walked around and around the estate until I came upon the children’s play park. I sat on the swing and contemplated what I was going to do! I must have been there for hours, I knew Daryl was safe as Lisa was at the house and I suppose Pete, his so called father was there too so he wasn’t in any danger whatsoever. I eventually found a telephone box and phoned my mum, it was about 4/5am and she accepted the call and we spoke for about 30mins. She said that I should go home as Pete had called the police and made out that I was a danger to myself as I was not of sound mind. He’d made me out to be a loony, when all that was wrong with me was that I was afraid and I need some time to myself.
I went home and had to speak with the police officer, she was lovely and understood why I’d walked out, but said that it was a concern as I had no proper clothes on. Also, I was on so much medication that if I missed a dose I could go into serious withdrawals. Also, if I wanted to press charges for Pete hitting me I could do. I didn’t I brushed it off as though it had only happened that once, as I was ashamed that he was hitting me and when they eventually did go it would just make life for me worse. When the officer went I got a spare duvet and slept on the sofa, so I would be there when Daryl got up in the morning.
Lisa was meant to stay longer but after what had happened she left early. He was alienating my family and I was becoming more secluded all the time. After Lisa had told Tanya about what had happened she, jumped on the first train and came down to help me out but to also support me. I just have to say, Tanya and I don’t always see eye to eye on everything, but when the chips are down she has always been there for me and me for her. I suppose that’s what sisters are for. I let what happened that night fade away as a distant memory, I pretended as though it hadn’t happened and tried to get on with my life as much as possible.
Tanya’s support was great and every now and again her friend Donna would come and visit and support as well. My marriage still was rocky but I wasn’t prepared to give up on it. I married Pete because I loved him and I felt that marriage meant forever. So no matter what he did to me, or what he said or didn’t say to me was immaterial. I had to work through it. Little did I know that more was to come? He was going out more and more and we were arguing what seemed like every minute of every day when he was at home. The atmosphere, when I look back must not have been good for Daryl; it must have been for him as it was for me as a child, something which I had always said, that I wouldn’t put him through. Then I had to do something about this.
Pete went out again and when he got back he had lipstick all over his shirt, when he was supposedly meant to have been at work. He then kicked me out of our bedroom and told me to sleep on the sofa as that was all that I deserved. I didn’t deserve to share a bed with him. Seeing as I wasn’t prepared to give him what was his right as a married man, sex whenever he wanted it. Tanya blew her stack and questioned what he’d done, but no matter what it was his bed. Enough was enough. I was exhausted with all the fighting, arguing and stress. I wasn’t getting any better and I threw him out. I didn’t care where he went or what he did I just couldn’t cope anymore. To top it all off he’s bought himself a Subaru Imprezza car and I was getting debt letters at the house for him missing payments. The car was well beyond his means and he still went ahead and bought it. No matter what he was having a top end car, even if it meant that we would go without food, clothing and fuel.
Once, I’d thrown him out it was like a weight off my shoulders. The doctors were still unsure what to do with my condition and I was very isolated. So I asked for a posting to Edinburgh to be near my family for support and also, to be transferred to a specialist doctor and the Western General hospital. He was a neurologist and he’d be able to find out once and for all what was wrong with me and help me sort it. They accepted my request and I was due to move in a few months. This would give me time to sort through all my finances and separate everything which Pete and I had.
While we were apart at this time, Pete went to live with his big sister Wilma in Accrington, Clayton-Le-Moors, Preston. He did some work there but never supported me or Daryl. We were left to get on with it. While he was away I was contacted by a loan company. He had taken out a loan in joint names and forged my signature. They were after me for the payment and I was adamant that I was not going to pay this. In the end they accepted that I had nothing to do with it and continued to search for Pete at the addresses which I’d given them. While he was over there I was made aware that he’d had an affair with his sister-in-law Mandy as well as several other women. I was hurt as he was still telling me that he loved me and wanted to make our marriage work, but on the other hand was having affairs left, right and centre.
The weekend came for me to pack up my house for the move to Edinburgh. My next quarter was in Dreghorn Gardens, Edinburgh and I was looking forward to being so close to my family for support but also, to see the Neurologist and get to the bottom of what was wrong with me and hopefully help me to get better and over it. That weekend was a tough weekend. It was the weekend that Princess Diana and Dodi Fayad died in the car crash. It was really hard and emotional not just because of their deaths but also because of the fact that I was on my own with Daryl and I had to pack up my home and move with help from 2 friends Angie and Mikey. I never thought that I’d be so soon into my marriage and that would be it. Over and done with! But was it, should I fight for my man and should I make it work for the sake of my son Daryl? I wasn’t a quitter and I would never have it said, I told you so!
When I moved back to Edinburgh, Pete came to visit and we spoke at great lengths. I told him that the only way our marriage would work would be if he did the following 3 things;
1. Give up his present work/job and re-join the Army, as he should never have left in the first place. The army was all, that he knew and he couldn’t settle at anything else.
2. He was to lose all the weight he’d put on since leaving the Army as he’d ballooned to a 38-40inch waist and was struggling.
3. To stop with all the affairs, come clean and we’d have a fresh start.
After my Neurologist appointment, I was sent for an MRI scan. The results came back and the diagnosis was confirmed. I had photo-sensitive epilepsy, which was triggered by working all the long hours at GCHQ in front of a computer screen and also by certain lights and TV programmes. They said that they didn’t know why it had came on when it did but it would go as quickly as it came, but in the meantime I had to take Sodium Valporate, a drug which when the right levels were reached all my fits, seizures and blackouts would/should stop. It would take several months to a year before this was to happen but in the end it only took 9 months and I was fit free.
Pete, did rejoin the Army but didn’t go back to his old regiment, he went to the KOSB (Kings Own Scottish Borders). Which at the time I had my quarter was posted to Dreghorn Barracks and it was an ideal position as we wouldn’t have to move to get back together and he would be based just down the road. So Pete, re-joined the Army and we started working on trying to patch-up our marriage.
While staying in Dreghorn, 3 of the wives were attacked on the path which ran along the back of our quarters to the Safeway and the Hunter’s Tryst pub. I ended up having to support one of them as they had become very close friends and she didn’t have any family to support her. She telephoned me early hours one morning, her husband was away and she was crying. She’d had a shower but frightened. When so told me what she’d done I went straight around to her house and telephoned the police. The police came and took the both of us to a special place where, rape and abuse victims were taken. It was like a living room with a doctor’s consultation room to the side of it. It was really homely looking and the police officer who came to speak to Michelle (name changed) wore clothes and not a uniform. She was very nice and very comforting.
I went with Michelle into the consultation room and the doctor came to check her out but before she did anything she told her exactly what she was doing and why they were doing it. It was so friendly and comforting, nothing like what had happened to me when I was a little girl. All the evidence was taken and we then went back into the living room area where the police officer took Michelle’s statement. The thing that annoyed me most about the incident was that the taxi driver could have brought her that extra 400m distance from the pub around the road to the house and I would have given Michelle the extra money which she needed for the fare. But because she did not have enough money the driver made her get out of the taxi at the pub which in turn meant she had to walk down the back path which was very poorly light. This was where she was attacked from the back and raped by the man.
I could relate to what she was going through. Although I had an advantage, I knew my attacker and she didn’t. It opened a whole can of worms for me at that time. It brought back all my memories of Cyprus and what that Cpl Mark Hanson had done to me. I stayed strong as I had to. It wasn’t about me, it was about Michelle and she needed my help. It was all over the papers in Edinburgh at the time as 3 other women came forward as the same thing had happened to them. The person who did this to Michelle to this day still has not been found, but it will only take one slip up and the police will have him as they have his DNA and he will be caught. I do believe what goes around comes around and the man in question will be caught and do his time.
I started my counselling again, but the GP could only fit me in once every 4 weeks which meant that it was hard to deal with things after such a long break. I became withdrawn again and frightened to go out. It didn’t take long before Pete was back into his old ways. I didn’t have proof but all the signs were there. Not coming home on time, not answering his phone while away and the long private conversations out of the room when I was home. The Army had agreed to give me a medical discharge as I was not allowed to go into a war zone on the medication which I was on and I could no longer serve with the condition. Seeing as it was triggered by PC’s it was the military’s fault as I was never given the right allotted breaks and that was health and safety. So I started to plan my resettlement courses. I wanted to be a publican as I enjoyed working with people and the fun in entertaining people excited me.
Pete was on duty at Edinburgh Castle then at Balmoral Castle. So it meant that he was away for long periods of time. My adultery radar started beeping again. He was up to no good. Every time he came home he would get phone calls from a woman, quite the thing on the house telephone. I was shocked, why would he give her my house number? What planet was he on? Instead of Wayne’s world, I think Pete’s World! He had told this woman that he and I were separated and he was sleeping in the spare room until a bedroom was free in the block for him. Our marriage was over and the only reason that he was still in the house was because of our son Daryl. Now, you can imagine how shocked I was, I shouldn’t have been but I was. So I told his families’ officer that he could stay in the house to look after our son as I was due at the beginning of November to go on my resettlement course for 6 weeks then, when I returned he was to move into the block. I didn’t want to be in the same house as him and he was not welcome.
The final or what I thought would be the final straw was that I was very poorly down below. I went to see my GP and they referred me to the Family Planning clinic. When I got there I was examined and I was told that I had Chlamydia, which was a sexually transmitted disease and I had to inform them of all my partners. I told them that I only had my husband and had only been with him since 1994. They said that the disease was most definitely recent so it could only have been from him. They also, informed me that due to the disease I would have to have the coil removed as it would be infected all the way up and I would have to go on a long course of antibiotics and cream to get rid of the infection. Pete tried to say that he’d only got the disease, as it was a re-occurrence of a previous bout which had lay dormant in his system. But after speaking to my GP I was informed correctly of how it came about and I knew it was from his sleeping about. So I made it very clear that he was to go as soon as I got back from my resettlement course.
He tried to make me change my mind but I wasn’t having any of it. How much more could I continue to put up with before he would kill me? He would always turn his infidelity around on me. It would always be my fault and nothing to do with him. I need to show him more love and affection. I needed to stop nagging him. I needed to take more care and attention of my appearance and I needed to lose weight as I was a fat and ugly and no man would want me, I was lucky to have him.
I went on my resettlement course and within a couple of days I hit it off with one of the lads on the course, Martin was his name. We got together and all the way through the course, all six weeks of it, we had a ball. Pete knew that I’d met Martin and that for once in many, many years I was happy. He turned up halfway through the course, when he was meant to be on guard duty, causing a scene and that he was sorry and he would change and that he didn’t want to lose me. But I stuck by my words and told him that we weren’t going anywhere and that he had to go. So he drove back to Edinburgh. Martin and I continued to see each other until the last day of the course. But we both knew that what we had was only during the course and wasn’t going to last afterwards. Pete decided that he wanted to pick me up rather than let me get the train back up the road like I had planned. He said, “If he couldn’t have me then no one would”!
We got back to the house and the atmosphere was as if it could be cut with a knife. He eventually moved out and into the block. He was only back in the block a few months and he was home. For some reason I could never keep him out. He was always so persuasive and believed what he was saying that he wouldn’t cheat again and he was very sorry and it wouldn’t happen again. I was a fool, and everyone thought so, but I believed him as I loved him. I couldn’t see past that tall dark haired, blue eyed rugged exterior. I wanted to believe him when he said he would change and at the time I was so down and low that I didn’t believe that any other man would be interested in me. That any other man would want to be saddled with a jobless woman and a 3 ½ year old son. So I stuck with it and stayed with what I knew, better the devil you know than the devil you don’t. As the saying goes!
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